When we were puppies and wanted a treat, we simply went up to a human and asked for one. We did this by looking cute. We didn’t need a costume for that because we looked cute every single day of our lives. You humans gave us treats not only because of how we looked but because we were good and loyal and kind. And because we were all these good things, you continued to give us treats every day of the year, sometimes many times a day, sometimes many times an hour on the days that Pete was working in the back of the bookstore, what the Shop Dogs call “Our Happy Place.”
But every year when Halloween rolls around you feel the need to dress us up in humiliating costumes in order to get the very things that should be given freely and with love. Maybe the members of your species need to dress up like a cow in order to score a free snack, but we’re Parnassus Shop Dogs. We have our dignity.
See how you like it.
Need some spooky reads? Here are some good ones for the smaller humans we like.