The Secret Lives of Books

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This is a special investigative report by the shop dogs of Parnassus Books. Have you seen the film, The Secret Life of Pets? We haven’t, because dogs aren’t allowed in theaters, but we get the gist. And while we know that the idea of dogs getting into mischief when no one’s looking is totally ludicrous, we have our suspicions about what the books in our store have been doing when the shop-people aren’t here. Look at this, for instance:


Who put all those Sparky postcards on the covers of Ann’s books?

Sparky didn’t do it. He’s been right here the whole time. The rest of us didn’t do it. The shop-people didn’t do it.

What exactly is going on in our store after hours?? It’s time to do a little sleuthing.

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Mary Todd Lincoln is on the case. And on the shelf. But mostly on the case.

Check out what Belle discovered:

By day, the dog books and cat books sit on different shelves. By night, apparently they play together on the floor. We did NOT see this coming.

What’s this? Famous graffiti artist STIK messing around in the adult coloring books?

How did you get to the other side of the store on those legs, STIK?

OK, we’re absolutely sure Olivia was in the kids’ section when the shop-people locked up for the night. How did she make her way over to the fashion display?

Keep dreaming, Olivia.

Wait a minute, did we just bust the photography books posing for selfies?

We cannot believe this.

Bear confirmed that the back-to-school books have been getting into the crayons.

They do seem ready for kindergarten.

And look what Opie discovered: the left wing and right wing political books having a civil debate right there on the floor. Who knew it was possible?

With a little help from a negotiating book from the business section, maybe everyone can get along. Stronger together, indeed.

Uh oh. That’s a whole lot of sizzling hot books right next to the wrapping paper. Surely this is a fire hazard.

These books are trying to spark something.

We also caught a basket full of paperbacks forming a ladder and staging a coup to overtake the new hardcovers in the front display.

They’re working together, just as we suspected.

Well, well, well . . . would you look what we have here. It seems the fancy cookbooks took a little spin through the break-room, doesn’t it? We TOLD YOU we weren’t the ones demolishing the crackers every night.

Julia? Martha? GWYNETH??

Convinced we could capture evidence of how all this is happening, book beagle Eleanor Roosevelt set up a hidden video camera.

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People, you won’t BELIEVE what we found. This video is grainy and shaky, and it may cause you to question everything you’ve ever known about bookstores, but we think you need to see this:

Oh, it’s the books, all right. The magic books. Now the next time somebody tries to pin something on us, we’ve got proof. It’s not the pets who have secret lives after all, is it?

PS: We hope you’ll join us for . . .

Monday, August 1, 3 p.m.
at Parnassus Books

Who’s birthday is it? We don’t know! We can’t read calendars, and we were all adopted after we were born. So let’s celebrate birthdays in general. (Note: In lieu of gifts for us, which we really don’t need, please consider bringing something from the Nashville Humane Association’s wish list for the pets in their care who are waiting for their forever homes. Thank you!)

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Opie tried to tell Belle it was a dunce cap, but it’s obviously a BIRTHDAY HAT.

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(Remember you can buy any book you see in Shop Dog Diaries here in the store or order it online. And yes, that includes the magic books.)