Hello. Sparky and company here. We, the shop dogs of Parnassus Books, are taking over Musing today to lay down some tough love. Call us brutal critics, but it’s honesty time, people. We don’t care what everyone’s saying — we just don’t get these books at all.
I love to run. There’s definitely some running in this, but not on every single page like I had hoped. More running, please. – Sparky
A baby wolf is adopted by a family of rabbits. People are calling this story “cute” and “sweet” and “heartwarming,” but I mostly find it “insane,” because rabbits are “delicious.” – Opie
This isn’t about bird hunting at all. False advertising, Ms. Lee. – Gracie
See above. Another misleading title raises hopes only to dash them. – Belle
I had a rope toy once. My baby brother Woodstock unraveled it, and then we both got in trouble for making a mess. Personally, I can’t handle another unraveling story. – Eleanor Roosevelt
Bad news, folks: That red stripe on the cover is NOT bacon. There is zero bacon in this story. – Bear
Is this about the transmission of heartworms? I’ll pass. – Sparky
I have no interest in Frog Music, but I would very much like a Frog Sandwich. – Bear
Write me a sequel called All the Colors We Cannot See, and make it about life as a colorblind dog. That’s a book I’d read. – Belle
Try “The Buried Bone” next time, Mr. Super-Famous Author Guy. – Gracie
I want to look away. I can’t look away. I want to look away. – Eleanor Roosevelt
Root? Leaf? Where’s the meat? Why would anyone “celebrate vegetables”? This one should be shelved in Mysteries, because I can’t figure out why everyone’s talking about it. – Opie
Purchase the books above (at your own risk, people) by clicking their titles, and don’t forget your limited edition shop dogs poster featuring yours and yours and yours and yours and yours truly, by Sawtooth Press.